So I’ve got a date next Friday. It’s true. It’s an actual real date. Not a meet up with a friend for coffee. An actual date with the intent to see about potential relationship type things. And no, it’s not a Bumble person.

We have been following each other on social media for a couple of years now. Interacted there. Chatted a bit in Discord. He lives a few hours away from me in Ontario. Around July, I think, I was thinking about meeting new people and I sent him a message asking him if he’d be willing to meet me for coffee halfway between us. He said sure. I even said in the message that it was just meeting as friends.

I will admit that I had some reservations about meeting up with him because he acted a little weird on social media. He was always deleting his posts. I’d get a notification that he had replied and by the time I’d have something typed up, he’d have deleted it. “There he goes, deleting skeets again”, I’d think. Other than that, I was a little worried he could turn into some weird stalker or something.

That feeling went away, though, before our meeting in September as we started texting more. Anyway, we met halfway for lunch. He felt like an old friend, someone I had known for a long time. Comfortable to talk to. He was interesting and funny and I found him attractive.

Fast forward to now and he’s driving over three hours to take me out on a date! I haven’t been out on an actual date in so long. Years and years. I’m not even sure Ex and I went out on an actual first date. He and I met when I went back to school and had lunch together every day. So it was different. And I was not attracted to Ex at first. Ex grew on me. I’m not shitting on that by the way. It was really good while it was good. I wouldn’t want to undo the entire thing.

This feels different and it’s pretty scary. But it’s fun and exciting so far and I’m open to seeing where things go. There are some complications with the distance and he has two kids, one of whom is a younger teen, but we are both adults with a similar work schedule and a bit of disposable income. It would be so good to have someone to spend some weekends with and go on trips with. One of those not always in your face and space relationships. The distance works well for me, in a way. I want to live in my cabin and I don’t want to share it all of the time just yet.

I, 100%, am getting those push him away and run away feelings. I’m ignoring them as much as I can. He is being pretty overt in his interest in me and it is nice and it’s a bit terrifying. It’s a lot terrifying. Hello disorganized (fearful-avoidant) attachment style! I learned about you in therapy recently and I am working very hard to avoid you! Yes, that is right! I am avoiding my attachment style! I’m just ignoring it. My brain says flee and I’m saying, nope date on Friday.

So. Date on Friday. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

For the tarot dabblers: Queen of Wands, The Magician, and The Hanged Man