It’s Sunday again. This week has been pretty busy and emotion filled. It made my brain hurt and stole a lot of sleep. But it’s Sunday night and I’m resting.

Cabin News

I feel really good about the cabin still! However, I do feel like I’m disappointing my mom. She said she didn’t feel good about it but she is going to pray and trust me about it. I think she’s more worried than disappointed when I really think about it. I think she’d rather me in a newer home with fewer things to repair in the next 5-10 years. But that journey is what I’m after.

When I talk about needing purpose, I’m really talking about having things to do in my life that I can feel fulfilled about. Right now, I feel like I am just existing. The thought of being like this forever is depressing. My mid-life crisis is here and I’m going to embrace it!

This week we did the cabin inspection, the septic was pumped, some WETT inspection paperwork provided, insurance broker contacted, and $590 spent. The inspection was $593.25 to be exact!

This has raised the total spent on the cabin thus far to $8593.25.

Kitties

Percy is growing and growing. He’s getting very bad and destructive. Pretty sure he’s killed my spider plant. Poor thing. I’ll have to include a picture. My niece gave me the spider plant named Eve when I moved in here in fall 2023. I don’t want her to die! All of the other plants she gave me died. Including the money tree. I should get a new one.

Moss, I’m a bit concerned about. Monday he was fine. Tuesday and Wednesday he was laying in the kittie bed more than normal. But he still wanted brushes and drank water from the fountain. He didn’t eat as many treats as he normally did though. I had noticed at mom’s that Moss wasn’t eating the fish treats. It’s hard to gauge things at mom’s because Moss stays in the bedroom the entire time. But even at home, he wasn’t eating them as much. I switched to his normal mixed ones.

On Thursday, he spent most of the day in the bedroom and his mouth looked a bit swollen. I looked at his teeth and didn’t see anything wrong. Friday, I wasn’t here most of the day but he was in the living room when I came home from the inspection. Saturday, he seemed fine but a bit quieter than normal and not wanting to play with Percy. However, today, he’s been in the bedroom the whole day. I’ve not seen him drink and he didn’t eat his treats. Percy has been eating Moss’s treats, I discovered.

I really hope that Percy isn’t bullying Moss to the point of changing his behaviour. He did this to Lister and I didn’t like it. Plus I love Moss and don’t want him to stop sleeping on the end of my bed or sitting next to me on the couch.

I’m going to call the vet in the morning.

This is not going to go over well at work. My schedule, this year, has been shitty. I’ve been sick a bit because of my low B12. I’ve had a few deaths. I also had a medication change. Anyway, it has been enough that my manager has told me that he doesn’t want other people to notice. So I need to make sure that I’m scheduling things before noon as much as possible. I work for a company in BC which is 3hrs behind me. So noon my time is 9am office time. I have some important deadlines coming up and if I slip on them, it’ll not be good for my performance review!

Charlie Kirk

Most people know what happened but in case this is the some future person reading this after recovering the internet from the AI take over, I’ll explain briefly. Charlie Kirk, founder of Turning Point USA, right wing conservative content creator/commentator, was murdered. He was shot in the neck by a right wing conservative young cis white man.

Charlie Kirk stood for death, violence, and hatred. His death will be used to deliver what he stood for and that scares me. The immediate lashing out at left leaning people was stunning. Not surprising at all, just stunningly quick. It made me see how much closer the US is to a civil war. I really hope it doesn’t ever happen.

People shouldn’t be killed period. I saw the close up video of the shooting. It’s not something I wanted to see and can’t unsee it. I knew he was dead. He bled out. I saw a human being go from talking to dead in seconds. And it was not at all like the movies depict.

Charlie Kirk was exercising his free speech when he was killed. And yes, his speech is why he was targeted and killed. Someone else on the right side of politics, believes differently from Kirk and killed him. And that is scary. It could happen to anyone. He wasn’t a politician or a movie star or musician. He was just a guy with a microphone exercising his freedom of speech by peddling in hatred, violence, and death. He could have been anyone. This was a reminder to everyone with any sort of online presence. Someone might take issue with something you said and murder you. That is the world that many people live in.

I’m thankful I’m in Canada. Although, I recognize we are teetering on the edge ourselves. Maple MAGA is alive and well. The trucker convoy 2.0 is set to happen later in September. Oh yay. The worst of us, paid for by US right wing PACs.

Blech. Enough of that

Stress Behaviours

Obviously I’ve been stressed this week with the cabin stuff. I was not prepared for how much work it is to buy your first house alone. There’s so much to do and so many people involved in the process. My realtor is fantastic and gives me a list of things to do each day.

But I’ve been stressed. And with it has come some bad eating behaviours for the second time in my life. The first time was at the beginning of COVID and it was initiated by Andrew. He started having two meals a day delivered. I ate it. At first I loved it. So tasty. But then, I started feeling sick at the thought of it. Eventually, I found a balance.

This past week, I fell out of balance and ate McDonalds at least once a day, every day for 5 days in a row. This is the first time that I’ve done this all by myself. At least this won’t happen when I’m living in my cabin unless I get in my car to go get it. That will be a big deterrent.

But I’d like to understand why I felt the need to eat poorly.

Did it make me feel better?

I’m not sure that it did.

I bet it was more of a “life in holding pattern” rather than a soothing thing. I tend to not do things when I’m waiting for something particular. For example, if I know I’m going out on Thursday, I might not get groceries until then. That’s practical, right? But that also means I might not leave the house at all until then. If I’m not going to leave the house then I probably should just wait to bundle up the garbage until the night before. And after a few more rationalizations like that, I end up with extra work to do and feeling overwhelmed.

I want to change this about myself. I think my cabin will help. Not that I’m relying on the cabin to fix everything but the cabin is something that is mine. Something that I dreamed about and managed to bring to life. It was a goal I had given up on and am working to make real. I’m going to do this.