There are so many things I want to express but I lack the ability to do so. Words that need to be written but the language falls short. Or my ability to weave the words together to describe them adequately falls short.

My paintings are the same. What I see in my mind’s eye and how I feel have yet to be expressed sufficiently on canvass.

For a second, I remembered a dream I had last night but as I tried to express it in words, it left me.

I want to be able to describe these feelings and the thoughts.

How can I describe the depth of the love that I have for a certain person? How can I string together the perfect sentence that describes the longing, the obsession, the ache, the little butterflies of excitement, the calm, the peace? What about the differences between two loves? Being married to someone you definitely love but having a different type of love be the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning.

Maybe I need to read more poetry to learn how to do this.

This frustration, this pent up energy, used to make me feel sad. It physically hurt. Now it doesn’t. It’s frustrating but not unchangeable. I feel this might be something I could learn and hone with practice. They tell writers to just write.

I don’t write the way I used to. When I was young, I would write constantly. Little stories and day dreams. It didn’t live just in my mind. At some point, I moved it all to my mind. It’s not the same in my mind. I also don’t read the way I used to. I tend to read news articles only. When I was younger, I consumed books like food. I’m going to actually blame social media and video games for the decline in my reading. Actually, I can’t even say that because I read a lot during the happier times in my marriage. Let’s blame it on the marriage falling apart then. Yes. That seems to work in my brain. That’s when I got involved in Twitch. Twitch replaced my reading.

I want to get back to where I was and focus on the things that I’m passionate about. Two of those things are writing and reading. I remember when I was a kid, my dream life involved me living in the woods or on a lake and being an author and a teacher. I even knew I wanted to write about love. I used to record myself reading books out loud to my stuffed animals! HA! I haven’t thought about that for years!

I should get back to writing every day. More than just skeets, I mean.